Killing for Candy
by No Longer Active and Long Gone
Summary: DISCONTINUED Beg for death again and again only to be shackled forever to the horrors of eternal life. A BB/L story that is rated M for language, violence, and sexual content. Please Read and Review!


Title: Killing for Candy

Rated: M for language, violence, and sexual themes

Summary: Beg for death again and again only to be shackled forever to the horrors of eternal life. A BB/L story that is rated M for language, violence, and sexual content. Please Read and Review!

Author's Note: Love this couple to death because of the interesting dynamic and because of the endless number of theories I have adopted! I hope you enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Death Note related. This is a piece of fan work created for nonprofit enjoyment.

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><p>Perhaps this wasn't <em>such<em> a bad thing after all.

I mean, at first my deformations and disfigurements had seemed like a terrible curse, something left behind to remind me of my horrid failure. But now the jagged scars that encircled my body, the ones that had stolen my youthful and attractive appearance and left me a disgusting troll, seemed to be a gift. After all, why should I care if I was handsome? I was willing to trade vanity for approval from the one I had always yearned for. He had locked me away here, placed me in this cage with all the worlds monsters. So obviously he thought I was a monster, too… which meant this horrid façade was just what he wanted. I finally looked how he wanted me to look.

I had _pleased_ him.

A light scowl painted itself on my face as I realized that wasn't nearly enough to sate my desires. He still did not think of me…he still didn't care. I was just little Backup, the fucked up one that had failed. He hadn't even bothered to come see me…he hadn't even bothered to call. He had left me here to rot without a care. I watched as my eyes reddened, tears perking at their edges, prodding to break free. How dare he still make me cry…how dare he! He'd pay! I'd kill him! I'd kill him, rip him god damn limb from limb and force him to eat his own guts! I'd do it all...

…_if_ I didn't love him _so_ much.

Fat, salty tears streamed down my face, but I didn't care. I just kept staring in to the mirror, gazing at my reflection. I wished he'd have killed me. I wished he had condemned me to death. I deserved it, didn't I? I killed those people, those innocent people, in such gruesome ways that even the newspapers had refused to disclose the whole truth. At the very least I deserved the cool toxins of lethal injection forced in to my veins, choking away my life silently. But here I was, sitting in a jail cell with no company aside from the light murmurs of other criminals and my thoughts, perfectly alive. Oh, L, so clever. You knew I wanted to die, you knew I wanted to be spared to live, wallowing in embarrassment. That's why you left me here.

That is why you _condemned_ me to life.

I would have committed suicide long ago if that dark-circled man had not made such impossible for me. He had forced the California prison to build me a one-of-a-kind cell of his specifications, forced them to monitor me, and forced them to make me live. L wanted me to suffer for eternity; he wouldn't allow me to cheat my punishment with death. However, I knew my life was going to end soon despite the detective's attempts. True, I was unaware of my own death date, but I had a hunch. And my hunches were never wrong. After all, the very moment before I was going to give in to living, give in to the embarrassment and shame, my savior came along. He, I presume he is a man, waltzed right in to my drab existence and promised death would greet me soon. The rest of the prison feared him, stiffening at the mere mention of his name. But I welcomed him with open arms. After all, I knew Kira would get around to freeing this caged bird soon enough.

However, I had not expected the door would swing open _so_ soon.

It is a strange thing, watching yourself die. But I watched anyway. I watched my pupils shrink and my muscles become stone. I watched my mouth fall agape and my hands claw at my chest. I watched and watched until darkness claimed the edge of my vision, I watched until I fell on my back and was forced to gaze at the ceiling. I watched until my eyes were dark and watched until my breathing stopped. I watched myself fade away, watched as my life ended. I watched as I died, grin on my face throughout the whole show.

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><p>Okay, Introduction done! :) Chapter one will be up if I can get a single review. Sorry, don't mean to be mean, but I want some legitimate feed back to know if the interest is there.<p> 


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